


i'm unhinged (and you're undone)

by lunalou



Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Angst, Ben Hargreeves Needs A Hug, Dissociation, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Ghosts, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Klaus Hargreeves Needs A Hug, Klaus Hargreeves-centric, Mental Health Issues, Protective Ben Hargreeves, Protective Siblings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-21
Updated: 2019-04-21
Packaged: 2020-01-16 15:59:11
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,937
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18524833
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lunalou/pseuds/lunalou
Summary: Surprisingly, it’s Luther who notices first.“Klaus is gone,” Luther says in his bestlisten to me because I’m Number Onevoice, but Ben is the only one that seems to have heard. “I’m not kidding, guys.”





	i'm unhinged (and you're undone)

**Author's Note:**

> written for the prompt: Klaus is overloaded with all the voices in his mind and goes into some kind of fugue state and goes wandering. His siblings actually notice that he's missing this time around and go find him before he can get himself into any real trouble.

Surprisingly, it’s Luther who notices first.

Ben feels something like shame run through him when it hits him that the words are true, a bubbling of guilt and – shamefully – jealousy which makes him pause mid step and turn to stare at his tallest brother.

“Klaus is gone,” Luther is doing his best _listen to me because I’m Number One_ voice, but only Ben seems to be paying him any attention. “I’m not kidding, guys." he looks helplessly at Ben who can only stare blankly in return. "Klaus isn't here.”

The rest of their siblings walk on obliviously. 

Ben thinks the reason as to why _he_ stopped to listen to Luther was less to do with him pulling rank and more to do with Klaus’ name being spoken. His mind is autotuned to the word Klaus, to the word Four, and he always finds himself looking over or listening in when he hears somebody say them.

It’s hard to move on from living as the his brothers shadow, especially when Klaus seems just as jolted by their sudden separation as Ben is. They're both different halves of the same coin and, although it may be unhealthy, the both of them had easily accepted their codependancy a long time ago. Long before Ben had died and was forced to only have Klaus. 

So, when Luther says those words, when he tells them all that Klaus is missing, Ben is the only one to pause purely out of instinct, heart suddenly too far in his throat and ribs constricting around the empty space left behind.

 

* * *

 

They averted the apocalypse by travelling back and forth through time (again and again and _again_ ), Five leading them through a maze of their lives that was haphazard at best and disorientating at worse. It had left them all tired and drained, both physically and mentally, the cycle of back and forth feeling like it'd never end. 

They’d done it though, in the end. They’d pressed enough buttons and shifted enough butterflies to cancel out the apocalypse and when they finally, thankfully, fell into their older bodies, it was with a sense of relief that left them all on a high and gravitating towards each other for weeks.

For the first time in a long time, they’d felt like a team. Like a  _family._

It had been decided since then that they should all work on becoming a real family, on working on their futures and helping each other like they should have from the start.

Things are different from what they knew, though. This time round Vanya knows about her powers, has a new flickering of confidence that makes Ben feel proud and pleased for her. Allison’s throat didn’t get cut open and both Vanya and Allison, despite remembering it, seem to be coping better without the gory reminder hanging over them. This time round Klaus – despite Five’s anger and warnings – saved Ben from dying.

Adjusting to their new lives has been challenging to say the least, and not just for Ben who is, you know, _alive_.

(Alive with a beating heart and pulsing wrists. Alive with lungs that need air to breathe, a body that needs substance to function, that needs food and sleep and can get hurt. _Alive._  Alivealivealive-)

It’s weird being seen and heard by everyone now, too. He doesn't have to rely on Klaus to communicate for him anymore which is great for the both of them. Klaus had never liked being used as a human telephone, even when his siblings had finally believed him about Ben being by his side.

A downside to being heard by his siblings though, is that he can be _heard_ by his siblings. All the comments he'd grown used to making to Klaus, all the faces and the scoffs - all of it suddenly earns him disgruntled looks from his siblings and scolding words (bar Klaus, who seems delighted by this new development instead of annoyed).

It’s like pressing play on a video that’s been left in fast forward for too long, large gaps in his knowledge of his siblings and their knowledge of him becoming very apparent, but it's not as bad as he thought it would be. It's different, but in a good way. 

Ben also knows that he’s not the only one whose finding it difficult to adjust, which helps with how out of place he sometimes finds himself.

Allison’s struggling with herself when it comes to the new leadership role she’s fallen into, all of them turning to her for advice and direction which leaves her stumbling and confused.

Five spent years in an apocalypse where he found their dead bodies which ended in him dedicating his entire life to getting back to them. It's left Five... odd, to say the least. Ben would use the word traumatised but Five hates that particular label, so they all agreed to not use it out loud. 

Diego’s cop friend still died and it’s left him more resentful then before; it's left him bitter and angry and Ben can see how he struggles not to close himself away from them all. 

Luther’s not in charge which is hard for him, but he’s distracted from that fact by the truth of their father’s actions. It had taken a while, but Luther can finally see Reginald for the manipulative, bitter, cruel old man he was.

Vanya has powers – has always had powers, even – and she has to learn how to use them and trust them and rely on the family that ignored her for most of her life for help.

And then there’s Klaus.

 _Klaus_ , The Horror echo. _Klaus, Klaus, Klaus._

Maybe it’s because Ben had to watch Klaus destroy himself over and over again, or maybe it’s because Klaus was the only person he could interact with for half his life, or maybe it’s because he and Klaus developed a weird bond during their time together, or maybe it’s-

Whatever the reason, Ben feels oddly attuned to Klaus’ struggle with the new future they’ve laid out for themselves.

Klaus has had ghosts screaming at him all his life, has been locked in mausoleums and churches to fine tune his power, had been kidnapped and had then fallen through time straight into the arms of a war. Klaus has struggled with addiction and reality and has never really dealt with himself or his powers but, for the sake of _family_ and _new beginnings,_ he’s trying to understand himself along with the rest of them.

For the first time in his life Klaus is actually _trying_ to be positive about his approach to the ghosts. 

Watching his brother struggle and yet still provail has left Ben feeling protective and proud and exasperated and – well, there’s been so many emotions flying about that it’d be stupid for him to list them all.

Klaus is sober, though. Klaus is trying more than he ever has before and this time around people are helping him through it. This time around Ben can actually do something other than plead and rage and watch Klaus’ own self-destruction from the side. 

Ben, unlike their siblings, doesn't mind Klaus’ clinginess or mood swings, either. He's dealt with them for so long that it’s second nature to him to know when to brush Klaus off or power through what he’s saying to understand the point he's trying to explain. 

Maybe that’s why, when Luther is the one to announce that Klaus has disappeared, he feels so put out by it.

“What do you mean?” Ben demands, voice flat as his eyes dart around them.

This had meant to be a simple trip to the mall – a stupid shopping spree that Klaus and Allison had planned for Family Bonding time – and now what? Klaus has vanished on the walk over?

“He’s _gone,”_ Luther laments this fact by gesturing at the empty space behind him where Klaus had been. “And I literally don’t know where he is. Or, uh, when he disappeared.”

“He can’t be gone.” Ben says uselessly. He looks down the street, hoping to spot Klaus in his stupid leather trousers, but there's no sign of him. He twists to stare at where the rest of his siblings have continued onwards, having obviously tuned out Luther’s bossy voice, and feels his panic start to grow when he sees that Klaus isn’t there either.

The Horror echoes his discomfort, something deep within him shifting and coiling like a snake before it strikes. For some unknown reason The Horror have always liked Klaus, and Ben’s worry is worrying them, and their worry is making Ben worry which is making them ansty and - they're driving themselves in circles. One big worry ridden circle. 

"Ben," Luther says, his own voice worried and the most unsure Ben's heard it for a long time. "What do we do?" 

 _I don't know,_ Ben thinks.  _Christ,_ _I really don't know._

He feels a sudden flash of guilt and anger from the monsters in the Void, their emotions sharp and bitter and directed at him.

 _Okay, I know. I wasn’t looking_ he tells them, hoping to stop the twisting feeling in his gut. _I know he’s gone but he’s fine, he’s probably just found a stray cat in an alley and-_

“What are you two doing?” Five asks, appearing next to them in a flash of blue. “This trip is going to be insufferable enough without you prolonging it.”

Ben goes to reply but his throat feels too tight, mind a swirling mess of panic and guilt, and he focuses on taking a deep breath and trying to clear his head as Luther rushes to explain that, “Klaus is gone.”

Hearing the words again make Ben feel worse. How can Klaus be _gone?_ Everything had been going so well recently. The sun had been shining all week and autumn was settling in and they were meant to be on a _family trip_ , not a _family mission to find their missing brother_. 

“Gone where?” Five asks. He directs this question at Ben as if he has the answer, and then, when Ben doesn’t say anything, he looks behind Ben, as if Klaus will be lingering there.

“I don’t know.” Luther shrugs, face pinched a weird mix of worry and confusion. "He was fine earlier, right?" 

Ben thinks back to this morning, trying to pinpoint any signs of – well, of anything.

(Of relapse, of twitchiness, of haziness.)

“What’s happening?” Allison asks as the rest of their siblings come over. She must sense something is wrong quicker than Five did, sharing a look with Vanya at their silence before fixing her gaze onto Luther. “Luther?”

“Klaus is gone.” Five answers for them all.

“What?” Diego asks blankly, looking up and down the street much like Ben had. “Gone where?”

“We don’t know.” Luther shrugs, voice hurried. “I was just thinking that it was weirdly quiet and then, well.” Luther rubs a hand over his short hair, a guilty expression on his face. “Then I realised that Klaus was gone.”

“Gone?” Diego repeats. “What do you mean by gone, Luther?”

 _Ben_ , The Horror hiss at him. _Six. Focus._

Right. Klaus has been-

Quiet.

Klaus has been quiet all morning, Ben remembers.

His brother had been pale and tired looking and had spent breakfast winding Luther up instead of actually eating. He’d been quiet amongst the mayhem he'd caused, silent in gaps where he’d usually thrive.

Ben latches onto that thought, riffling through a lifetimes worth of memories to try and match up the symptoms with what he knows.

“He can’t have gone far, right?” Vanya is asking with a frown. “He probably just saw something he liked in a shop and got distracted.”

“That does sound like Klaus.” Five agrees. “Probably no need to panic.”

 _Except,_ Ben thinks, _there is._ Klaus has never done disappearing acts. He likes big, dramatic exits, likes all the attention and the melodrama that follows them, and the only time Ben can remember Klaus quietly sneaking off was the day he left the academy.

Christ, even when Klaus woke up in random strangers’ homes he’d linger and try to use them for all they were worth – clothes, food, drugs – and then they’d either kick him to the curb or Klaus would saunter out with a wave, leaving behind anger and chaos and clutter.

Klaus doesn’t do _quiet_ , not even on his quiet days. His brother can’t even sleep quietly, has always been all long shifting limbs and muttering voice.

When Ben tunes back into the conversation he sees Diego looking at him with intent, the same doubt reflecting in his own eyes.

Despite not being as close to Klaus as Ben was, Diego was a close second.

When they were younger the three of them had drifted towards each other, Ben and Klaus bonding over a similar hatred of their power and Diego latching onto their bitterness to complain about Luther, about their father, about not being understood. It had grown into something less aggressive over time, had shifted from negativity and misunderstandings into a genuine friendship.

Somehow, they found a lingering sense of family. Of kinship. 

They’d created their own secret handshake, had formed the Even Numbers Club despite Luther’s complaints and their fathers attempts to stop it, and had looked out for each other more than the others.

Even after Klaus had turned towards alcohol for comfort, to drugs and pain, and even after Ben had died, Diego had still looked out for Klaus as much as he could.

It wasn’t saying much considering just how hell-bent Klaus had been on destroying himself, so swept up in his own storm of devastation that even Ben struggled to break through at times, but Diego was there more than anyone else was.

So, when Ben sees Diego mirroring his own worry, his own doubt, he decides to trust his gut instead of the placating conversation going on around him.

“He’ll meet us there,” Allison is saying, her tone forcibly self-assured. “This was mostly his idea, anyway. It’s not like he’d just ditch us.”

“We’ll go on, then?” Luther asks her.

Allison opens her mouth to say _yeah_ or _sure_ or _of course,_ but a “no,” escapes Ben’s mouth before she can.

All eyes turn to him (something Ben still isn’t used to, despite how long he's been back. It's something he feels like he won't ever get used to) and Ben straightens his back, mind set. “If Klaus is gone, then somethings wrong.”

“Wrong?” Vanya sounds hesitant, sharing a look with Five that makes Ben wants to snap. “How can you be sure?”

Because Klaus isn’t like this, Ben thinks. Because I’ve seen Klaus argue with drug dealers and befriend the homeless and leave trails of chatter and noise in his wake. Klaus doesn’t do quiet – doesn’t do disappearing acts or subtlety. Klaus has _always_ been the eye of the storm, never the aftermath of it. 

Klaus does distraction well, is the issue. The sudden shopping trip, the annoying Luther, the controversial conversation topics; Ben suddenly sees them all for what they were. Klaus had even pushed Ben away, somehow. He had managed to distract him and lead him astray without Ben even realising it.

He recalls Klaus’ voice hinting that he didn’t spend enough time with the rest of his siblings, can remember Klaus smiling and teasing Ben about how he doesn't need his own emotional support ghost anymore.

Ben had smiled back at the time, had laughed along with Klaus and had ignored the weirdness of it all, had ignored the unpleasant winding from The Horror at the thought of Klaus not needing them.

Ben throws his mind back to yesterday, and then the day before, and then the day before that, and comes to the worrying conclusion that Klaus has been successfully distracting him for most of the week.

“I know Klaus.” Ben says in answer to Vanya’s question. He doesn’t have time to explain a lifetime’s worth of understanding to his siblings, not when he’s so suddenly aware of how wrong something is.

“We know Klaus too, you know.” Allison says, sounding put out.

 _You_ don’t, Ben thinks. _If you knew, then you’d be more concerned._

Except, when he takes another breath and looks, they are concerned. All of them.

“It’s not just you and him anymore, Ben.” Vanya says quietly, sadly, but with an underlying understanding that makes him want to curl in on himself. There’s a new self-assurance to her tone that she never had before, a new gentle scolding that leaves Ben feeling ashamed. “We’re there for him too. And for you.”

“Then listen to me when I say something’s wrong.” Ben counters, fingers twitching by his side. He doesn’t have time for the guilt that laps at the forefront of his mind, not when Klaus is missing and The Horror are thrumming _wrong, wrong,_ _wrong, wrong_ in time with his heartbeat.

“We’re listening.” Diego’s hand lands on his shoulder, warm and comforting, and Ben sucks in another breath he didn’t realise he hadn’t taken. His fingers twitch again – a nervous habit picked up from Klaus – and he steels himself once more.

“Was he with us when we walked through the park?” He asks them all, licking his lips nervously when his siblings share a doubtful glance.

“Maybe.” Luther hedges. “I think he was.”

“You _think_ he was?” Diego asks, not quite managing to keep the annoyance out of his tone.

“He was.” Luther bites back firmly, arm crossing across his chest.

 _“Maybe,”_ Diego mocks. “Shouldn’t you know, Luther? He was walking with you, after all.”

“He was _annoying_ me,” Luther corrects. “By walking behind me and kicking stones at my shoes.”

“And when did he stop doing that?” Five thankfully interrupts whatever Diego was about to say. “The annoying you?”

“I don’t know.” Luther shrugs helplessly. “Might’ve been a few streets back.”

“It can’t have been too long ago, then.” Allison speaks up. “Not if you’ve only just noticed. He can only be, what? Five, ten minutes away from us?”

“Yeah, I’d say about that.” Five agrees with a nod, eyes considering as he stares back in the direction they came from. “I can jump back and-”

“Nobody’s splitting up.” Allison cuts him off with a shake of her head, hair bouncing with the action. “We can pair up and look instead. He can’t have gone far.”

Ben feels a surge of gratefulness for Allison’s calm and steady instructions, especially when the rest of them listen to her instead of arguing.

“Can’t we just call him?” Luther suddenly says as they're all about to split up, and Ben suddenly finds himself back to square one of frustration and impatience.

“Klaus doesn’t have a phone.” Diego says for Ben, hand squeezing his shoulder reassuringly. “So, no, we can't call him.”

“What?” Allison demands. “Why doesn’t he have a phone?” her eyebrows furrow as she looks toward him and Diego in frustration.

“He’s never needed one.” Ben shrugs. “And when he did have one, he’d just sell it for drug money or end up losing it.”

“But he doesn’t – he’s clean now, right?” Vanya asks.

“Yeah, _now_ he is. But,” Ben shrugs again, “we’ve never needed a phone before, and getting one hasn’t exactly been on the top of our priority list.”

“Right, well,” Allison says. “We’ll resort our priorities once we find him.”

 _“We,”_ Luther asks, looking at Ben with his head tilted. He reminds Ben oddly of an oversized puppy. _“We’ve_ never needed one?”

“Well, I’ve been _dead,”_ Ben snaps, not really understanding the point in this conversation. “So I’ve not really needed a phone.”

“Ben,” Allison says. “Calm down. Luther-” She points to him as he opens his mouth, “shut it.” She tucks a curl behind her ear, taking a deep breath before asking, “does anyone else not have a phone?”

“I don’t.” Five says, looking unimpressed. “But I don’t need one.”

“Okay, sure. New Family Rule, though: We all have phones and we all have each other’s numbers.”

Ben refrains from sighing, fingers twitching nervously by his thigh.

Family Rules are something Allison and Diego had come up with during their first week back to try and reign them all in.

Their whole lives at the academy had been built up of routines and structures and then, after they’d left, the majority of them had spent their time trying to find new routines to fall into or breaking every rule they once knew.

Trying to band together for the sake of being a family had brought back old memories and older rebellions. They all needed space and freedom, but they had to start building trust somehow, shouting acts and slamming doors being the opposite of constructivness, and so Family Rules had been invented.

“I don’t want a phone.” Five protests.

“Now isn’t the time to argue about this,” Vanya cuts in. “First Klaus, then phones.”

It’s a nice change to not be the only one worrying about Klaus. It's nice to not have to be the sole responsibility of ensuring he wakes up the next morning. Not that Ben has minded the responsibility, despite just how infuriating Klaus can be, but it’s nice to hear the lingering concern behind Vanya’s voice, to see the way Allison worries at her nails and to feel the way Diego shifts impatiently by his side.

Ben had understood Klaus a lot more when he’d seen the ghosts for himself. He couldn’t interact with them, mind you, and he always figured it was related to why he never disappeared when Klaus got high, different planes of the dead and death that Klaus had only recently started dipping into. But, despite his siblings not understanding, it’s a relief to see them trying to. 

“He’s been off all morning,” Ben says as they drift into pairs, Luther heading towards Allison whilst Vanya and Five step to one side, Diego’s hand still warm on Ben’s shoulder. He hesitates a moment, not sure how helpful his siblings will find it, before adding, “all week, even.”

Five looks like he wants to press into this matter, but Allison says “Okay,” before he can, pointing them in different directions after making sure at least one person in each group has a phone.

 

* * *

 

 

“Off how?” Diego after a while. They're heading back the way they came, the streets mostly empty and the sun having disappeared behind some clouds.

“Quiet.” Ben shrugs, eyes scanning the path in the hope that Klaus will just appear. “Making distractions. Off.”

“I thought he was – you know, being weird, but I assumed he was talking to you about it.”

“No,” Ben feels guilt tug at his stomach and The Horror echo the sensation. “No. He hasn’t been speaking to me.”

Klaus hasn’t been speaking to anybody all week, Ben had realised a few minutes ago.

Klaus has been fluctuating between annoying, manic and sullen just to drive them all up the wall so that he could hide himself away. Fuck, Ben should’ve noticed before it got this out of hand. 

His mind automatically jumps to Klaus using again, brain suppling him with pictures of his brother in seedy alleys and dingy nightclubs without Ben there to watch over him, to tell him who not to trust and to talk him down from a bad high.

He remembers high Klaus well, all frantic mood swings and flashing eyes before becoming oddly docile and far too trusting.

“Do you think...” Diego trails off, having followed the same trail of thought as Ben.

Ben thinks about it. He thinks about the kid he grew up with, the drug addict he followed around, and the man Klaus is so desperate to become. He thinks about the signs he learnt to read over the years, of the body language he finds easier than any conversation, of green eyes and genuine smiles. He puts the amalgamation of all those things together and thinks about this; thinks about the Klaus he knows.

After a moment Ben decides to trust his heart and says with honesty, “no. I don’t think he is.”

Klaus has always been fuelled by desperation and determination and he’s recently started to put those emotions to good use. Klaus has been getting up each morning and forcing himself through the day, learning and growing and blooming into something new, into something fragile and delicate and wonderful. He’s stopped using all his emotions as an excuse to destroy and distance himself from the world, and Ben’s watched him flower into something he knew Klaus could’ve been all along.

Even though Klaus hasn’t been speaking to Ben, Ben doesn’t need words to see how much his brother has been trying. Klaus wouldn’t have thrown it all away, especially not in the middle of the day during a trip he’d been so eager for.

“That’s something at least, yeah?” Diego says, tone forcibly positive.

“Yeah.” Ben says quietly, eyes looking towards the park they’d passed through earlier and not seeing the one person he so desperately wants to. "It’s something.”

Still, he can't help it when his heart beats in too fast thuds of _wrong wrong wrong_  that has him picking up the pace and calling out his brother’s name with a twinge of helplessness he doesn’t want to be feeling.

 

* * *

 

 

The feelings only grows when, after fifteen minutes of unsuccessful searching, Diego catches up to him with his phone in hand, eyebrows furrowed and voice flat when he says, “Vanya found him.”

“What?” Ben asks, heart skipping a beat. “Where?”

“Some alley a few streets over. She and Five are trying to talk to him now.”

Jealousy flares in Ben’s stomach at the thought of it not being him who found Klaus, something in him still feeling off about not even being the one to notice his brother was gone in the first place, and The Horror writhe at the emotion, anger spanning from deep within his chest. There’s a familiar thrumming of possessiveness running through him, thick and cloying, but Ben quickly pushes it aside, wishing that the Void would just shut up and let him think. 

He can’t get caught up in his head, in his and The Horror’s feelings, not when Klaus is out there.

Instead he focuses on being relieved that Klaus has been found, forces himself to focus on all the good emotions that come from the words as he lets them soothe him.

And then Diego says, “We’ve gotta get there _now,”_ with a sense of dread and urgency that Ben isn’t used to hearing from him.

“What’s wrong?” Ben asks, following Diego as he storms from the alley they were looking in. "Diego," worry spikes in his lungs and claws its way up his throat, leaving him breathless as he demands, “is Klaus alright?”

“Ben.” Diego sounds conflicted. He crosses a road without looking, Ben darting out to follow him, and Diego flips off a driver who beeps at them. “Let’s just get there.”

“Two,” Ben snaps, the name slipping out without thought as stress flows through him. “Is Klaus okay?”

“I don’t...” Diego runs a hand over his face, shoulders tense. “Vanya said he’s fine physically.”

 _“Physically?_ What the hell is that meant to mean?”

“I don’t know, okay?” Diego’s voice cracks as he leads them down a quiet street, one that Ben easily recognises.

This street has always been one of Klaus’ preferred places to linger and Ben, not really having a choice in the matter, had preferred the quiet side alleys here then some of the less than savoury places Klaus had chosen to stay.

Ben knows where they’re heading before Diego leads them there, can picture the fire escape and the painted brick wall and can small the gravel and the smoke, and he lets his feet carry him on auto-pilot, his mind a swirling mess of panic and confusion and worry. 

Ben’s not used to Klaus being alone. Hell, _he_ isn’t used to being alone, despite the separation him and Klaus have tried to enforce upon themselves.

His whole life, for a point, had been looking after Klaus, looking out for Klaus, looking at Klaus to make sure he was okay, to see if he could make him smile or calm him down, for direction and conversation and sanity.

Klaus had been at the centre of his world and Ben had orbited around him, drawn in by an invisible force that neither of them could ever explain.

It’s not just that, though. Ben’s looked after Klaus, sure, but Klaus has looked after him, too. As much as one can look after the ghost of their dead brother.

Ben had found a new thrill of life from the impossible situations Klaus dragged him into, had found himself feeling happy and elated from a life that wasn’t one he’d ever choose from himself.

Ben has found laughter at running from the police beside his brother, both of them flushed and giddy, and he’s found peace from the quiet moments him and Klaus have had by the sea, biting wind and crashing waves both soothing and private and allowing them to talk without fear.

Klaus had snuck himself into amusement parks so that Ben could ride on the biggest and most dangerous roller coasters and he’d doze on the sofa at rehab, hogging the remote from the other patients, just so Ben could watch whatever show he wanted.

Ben wouldn’t have chosen the drugs if he had a choice in the matter, but he can understand on a certain level why Klaus did what he did.

He’s seen Klaus without the drugs, has seen him screaming and sweating and flinching from the ghosts that follow him around and call his name.

When they walk down the alley Klaus used to sleep in they spot Vanya and Five, the both of them crouched down by a familiar fire escape.

When they get a bit closer Ben spots Klaus curled up underneath it, wedged between the wall and the metal stairs. His knees are pulled towards his chest, arms wrapped loosely around them, and his head is resting back against the bricks, hazy eyes staring absently at Vanya as she talks to him in a low, gentle voice.

“What happened?” Diego asks, Five standing up so that he can drop down beside Vanya.

“We don’t know.” Five sounds annoyed at this fact, fingers tapping the side of his leg as he watches Klaus with wary eyes.

“I don’t think it’s drugs.” Vanya hedges, twisting her head to look at Diego. “But I, uh, never really saw him high.”

Diego nods at her before turning towards their brother. “Hey Klaus,” Diego says in a soft voice, one Ben has only heard directed at him and Klaus after they got hurt on missions. He reaches his hand out to touch, but Five’s own hand snaps out to stop him before he can.

“Don’t.” The other boy warns with a shake of his head, eyes dark. “He doesn’t like it.”

“Okay, ” Diego holds his hands up placatingly, eyes wide and confused. “Okay, sure. I won’t.” He turns back to Klaus, hands still up, but Ben watches as Klaus’ gaze goes right through him. “I won’t touch you bud. Hey, can you hear me?”

He can’t. Ben can tell from the glassy eyes and vacant expression that Klaus probably has no idea where he is, let alone who’s with him.

This alley has always been a safe spot for them though, somewhere too nice for the dealers to linger and somewhere to quiet for people to lurk. Klaus and Ben have always ended up back here after the worst nights –

(Klaus getting spiked in a nightclub. Klaus leaving a particularly nasty ex, bruised and bloody with a concussion. Klaus after Allison’s wedding.)

It wasn’t home, nowhere near, but it was safe and that was all that mattered.

Klaus’ mind has led him here on automatic, Ben figures. It’s taken him to one of the warmest corners they’d found on the coldest nights, to a small slither of peace amongst the dangers of the streets, and allowed him to slump bonelessly against the wall.

“What happened?” Allison’s voice interrupts his thoughts as she appears next to him. She sounds slightly out of breath, but she doesn’t hesitate to drop down next to Vanya. “Klaus?” she calls softly, big eyes staring worriedly at their brother.

Luther’s eyes flick from her to Klaus, face pinched with concern. It’s an odd look on him, Ben thinks, especially when it’s directed at Klaus.

“Is he high?” Luther asks, but he doesn’t sound angry. Instead he sounds anxious, forehead creased and fingers tugging at his sleeves.

“No,” Diego shakes his head. “His pupils are fine and his heart rate is normal. There’s nothing in his pockets, either.”

Which, huh. Ben must’ve missed that check over whilst he was thinking.

“But...” Diego trails off, sharing a glance with Vanya that Ben doesn’t understand.

“But?” Allison presses, voice frustrated. Concerned.

“He, uh. He’s really cold. Like, really _really_ cold.”

Those words spike something in Ben’s mind and he finds himself reeling slightly, fingers twitching as he tries to find the reason as to why those words mean something.

“What?” Luther asks, lips tugging downwards in confusion. “Cold?”

Allison reaches a hand out to feel Klaus’ forehead for herself but Five slaps it away with a growl.

“Hey,” she snaps. “Don’t-”

“Don’t touch him.” Five repeats firmly. “He had some sort of fit when we tried.”

“A fit?” Luther demands. “Should we be calling an ambulance?”

“Not a seizure,” Vanya quickly corrects. “He just... Pushed. With his powers. And sort of shouted.”

“He barely let me check him over.” Diego confirms. “He’s in some sort of – I dunno. Trance?”

A trance. Hazy eyes and cold skin. Wandering off, absent and unaware. 

Ben snaps his eyes to Klaus as his siblings talk around him, looking for the signs.

They're there, the twitchiness, the bags under his eyes, Klaus' lips moving with unspoken words.

Ben recognises Klaus like this. Only barely, having only seen it this bad twice, but –

“Hey,” Ben says, dropping down into his knees and scooting in under the stairs. “Hey Klaus.”

“Ben,” Allison says warily. When he looks at her she looks nervous, looks like she wants to let Luther call for help and admit that this is bigger than all of them, but, after meeting his eyes, all she says is, “do you know what’s happening?”

Trust isn’t something they all share easily, but this is another step in the right direction.

Ben might not know much, might be snarkier than his siblings remember, be dour and bitter about things they don’t understand, but he knows Klaus. And, thankfully, his siblings seem to know this. To trust in this.

“The ghosts.” Ben turns to stare back at his brother who is somehow looking as small as Vanya with the way he’s curled in on himself. The Horror sings at the proximity, the jealousy he felt from earlier dying away.

“What about them?” Diego asks, voice rough and confused.

They won’t ever understand the ghosts like Ben does. He and Klaus had found a mutual understanding a long, long time ago in regard to their powers, about their lack of on and off switch and their lack of control.

It had become even clearer to Ben after he died, The Horror a fainter presence but still there, curious and developing a stronger attachment to Klaus as their world was suddenly filled with manifestations of the dead.

It’s hard to explain their powers in a way that their siblings will understand, especially on his own. Klaus might not be the most precise with words but his rambling way of speaking and overall _Klausness_ would be helpful.

Ben doesn’t have time for that now, not when Klaus is like this. He settles on a short, quick explanation instead as he racks his mind for a way to snap his brother out of it.

“The ghosts are always there, yeah? They never go, never leave him alone, and there’s always good days and bad days.” Good months and bad months he thinks but doesn’t say. “They’re loud to say the least. They’re demanding and angry and Klaus used to block them out with anything and everything he could find.” Klaus’ fingers twitch as Ben keeps speaking, vacant gaze drifting towards Ben.

“But he’s not using anymore,” Five says, catching on. He and Ben have always ran on the same wavelength, quickly picking up new ideas and the both of them always being the first two to finish their homework.

“Exactly.” Ben nods, stealing a glance at Five. “He’s the most sober he’s been since we were fifteen.”

“So, they’re-”

“Yeah. It’s...”

“I can imagine.” Five says. “And he hasn’t...?”

“No. He must’ve wanted to, but-”

“He didn’t. Good. So, what do we do?”

“Distract him.” Ben says decisively. Five nods in return, eyes softer than Ben’s seen them in a while.

Klaus has been distracting all of them just to hide the fact that he was struggling, and now it’s their turn to distract Klaus from his ghosts. From himself.

“What the hell is going on?” Diego demands, bristling behind Ben.

“It’s obvious,” Five says unhelpfully. “If you’re smart enough to understand.”

“Shut it you little-”

“Sensory overload.” Ben quickly cuts in, defusing the situation before it grows. “Klaus has –” he doesn’t want to speak about the mausoleum, not here, not when it’s not his place, but he struggles to find a way to make them understand that Klaus is haunted by more than just the dead. He doesn’t know how to explain just how horrifying the ghosts can get, how consuming they are.

“He’s never coped well with them. The ghosts,” Ben settles on saying. “Or with his powers, really. But now he’s trying to and he's tapping into things he never knew were there and it must have made the ghosts more active, somehow.”

Like when he sobered up in that motel room and all of Hazel and Cha Cha’s victims had crowded round them, bloody and demanding and desperate. 

“So, what?” Allison frowns. “He’s... Overloaded?”

“Traumatised,” Five supplies. “This is him dissociating from that fact.”

It’s silent for a moment, all of them taking it in. The sun shines through a gap in the stairs, lighting Klaus up in a pale glow, and Ben can’t believe he didn’t see the signs before it got this bad.

“What does that mean?” Luther speaks up, voice oddly quiet. “Dissociating?”

Ben doesn’t have time for these questions. Klaus being cornered is probably making things worse, too many people when the both of them have spent years isolating themselves.

He needs to help Klaus, needs to bring him back to himself and it’s too crowded under the stairs and if his siblings don’t know what to do then Ben doesn’t know what he’s meant to do because he can’t look after them all, not when Klaus is-

A hand touches his shoulder, small and hesitant, and he twists his head to see Vanya looking at him knowingly.

 _You got this?_ Her eyes ask, face kind and understanding.

Ben nods and Vanya, bless her, pushes herself to her feet and tugs Allison up along with her.

“Follow me.” She says with the same new-found authority she’s been showing over the past few months.

Ben smiles at her, short and grateful, before turning back to look at Klaus.

“But-” Luther protests, which sweet in a way, but Ben can’t console all his brothers at once.

“Come on.” Vanya repeats, using her spare hand to tug him away. “Follow me and I’ll explain.”

“I’m not leaving Klaus.” Diego says firmly. Five makes an annoyed sound before Ben can, and then, with a sound of protest from Diego and a huff from Five, they disappear in a flash, leaving Ben and Klaus alone.

Ben can feel his heart beating too fast, fingers twitching and mind racing, but he pushes his distress to one side and focuses on the one person who matters.

“Okay then.” Ben says as he watches Klaus. His brother doesn’t react and Ben takes another deep breath. “It’s just us, buddy. Just me and you.”

He twists so that he’s sitting cross legged in front of Klaus, ducking his head to meet glassy green eyes. Klaus blinks slowly, face blank, and Ben thinks back to the two other times he saw his brother in this state: once after he came back from the mausoleum and the other time after his longest stay in rehab (courtesy of Allison).

He’s seen Klaus in varying states of absent, half aware or speaking about himself as if he were a stranger, but this has always been more difficult for them both.

If he can distract Klaus from his own mind, though, then he can pull him back towards the living.

“So,” Ben starts, keeping his gaze locked onto Klaus’. “I’m thinking of getting you microchipped. It’s hard not being able to just know where you are when I want – hell, it’s hard not following you around every day. Don’t get me wrong, I love the space and it’s so much more exciting seeing you when we both have a choice in the matter, but I don’t think I can cope with the stress of losing you again. What if you see a shiny balloon in the sky or something, huh? I’d be chasing you down for days.”

Klaus’ hand twitches, fingers curling slightly, and Ben keeps going.

“You even have Luther worried. Luther. Number One. I don’t think I’ve seen him this concerned about you since you had your jaw wired shut. Don’t think he’s seen you this quiet since, either. This whole family thing is weird, isn’t it? All of us trying to care now when we’re already thirty years into our lives. More years for Five, which is a weird thought.”

Ben keeps it up, rambling through nonsense about the weather and their siblings and what he was planning to buy from the mall. He keeps the same pace and volume, hoping to give Klaus something steady to latch onto. Something familiar. 

After a while he sees Klaus blinks slowly, eyelashes fluttering against his pale cheeks, and something in Ben yearns to make him feel better, to pick up the flaying pieces of his brother and fix them, but that’s never been his job. Ben is here to support, encourage and tell Klaus when he’s being an idiot. They both know the only person that can fix Klaus is himself.

“Hey,” Ben cuts his own story off, shifting to gently reach out and place a hand on Klaus’ boney knee.

Klaus twitches at his touch and he's freezing, even through the leather.

“It’s okay,” Ben murmurs as Klaus shudders slightly, “you’re okay.”

Klaus takes in a shaky breath but doesn’t shake Ben off, so Ben holds onto him gently, The Horror crooning _Klaus Klaus Klaus Klaus_ that encourages Ben to squeeze his knee softly. “Hey, Klaus. Can you hear me?”

Hazy eyes blink once, twice, and long fingers twitch.

“I know you’re in there, Klaus.” Ben says softly. Firmly. “And I know that they can be loud out here, but I’m still here, yeah? I haven’t gone anywhere, not really.”

Klaus’ twitching fingers latch onto his sleeve, grip growing tight and desperate as a small noise escapes his throat.

“I know,” Ben tells him, and it’s one of the only comforts he can offer. He won’t tell Klaus it’s fine, won’t say everything’s alright, but he can say that he understands. “I know it’s tough, Klaus.”

“Ben,” Klaus breathes, icey fingers going from Ben’s sleeve to his hand. “Ben.”

Ben doesn’t hesitate to hold his hand, to intertwine their fingers together and feel his brothers brittle bird bones underneath his own. “I know,” he repeats, and then, “I’m here.”

Klaus keels forward in a sudden movement, arms latching onto Ben like he’s tried to do so many times in the past, but this time Ben can catch him. “They won’t shut up,” Klaus keens, pressing his face into Ben's neck, breathing cold on his skin. The hand that isn’t gripping onto Ben's own presses over his ear tightly, long fingers curling into his hair. “They won’t- They’re so fucking loud, Ben.”

 _I’m sorry_ , Ben doesn’t say. “I’ve got you,” He tells Klaus softly, breathing in the scent of stale cigarettes and sweet perfume. “It’s okay, I’ve got you.”

“I miss the drugs. I-” Klaus makes a choked noise, something animalistic and raw that revernates through Ben’s own chest. “I want them. I want them, I _want_ them. Ben. I need to-”

“I know.” Ben tells him. He does know, too. He’s seen the horrors that follow Klaus around, has seen Klaus battle with the other demons in his mind, trauma and drug abuse leaving him hollow in a way not even Ben can fix. “It’s hard, yeah?”

“Yeah.” Klaus nods against him and Ben brings his free hand to press over Klaus’, hoping to at least block out some of the noise.

He drops his lips close to Klaus’ other ear and murmurs quiet reassurances, shushes him softly until the wheezing chokes escaping his brother die down.

Klaus clings to him for a long while, gangly limbs bundled up so that he can fit himself into Ben’s smaller frame, skin cold and fingers twitching, and Ben holds onto him tightly.

Sometimes it feels like Klaus will disappear without Ben holding him down, bones hollow and body light and empty, and Ben wishes that they didn’t have to do this, cling and grasp and press in too closely, just to feel like Klaus will stay. 

He remembers when he couldn’t even do this, could only reach through Klaus with his ghostly limbs and hope that they offered some sort of comfort.

“We can get through the worst of it,” Ben reminds them both. “We’ve done it before, haven’t we?”

“It’s so hard.” Klaus whispers, the words broken and hoarse and honest. The words are for Ben’s ears alone, a separate trust and understanding for just the two of them. “It’s so hard, Ben. I don’t know if I can do it.”

“We can.” Ben promises. “Things are different now.”

Now it’s less Klaus and Ben against the world and more what their family should’ve been from the start.

It’s unlearning conditioned behaviours and escaping the unhealthy coping mechanisms they all have. It’s a fresh start, a new page, a different path that they can all take together.

It’s still hard, harder than Ben ever thought it would be. Some days it’s like learning to breathe underwater and choking despite knowing he can do it, the water clogging and stagement and stuck in his throat, leaving him drowning in his own mind.

Some days he looks at his family and it’s like they’re above the water and he’s stuck under its surface, the thick haze of it distorting them from view as something drags him down, down, down.

Some days he looks at Klaus and sees that he’s also struggling to stay afloat. Ben looks and sees him gasping and flailing and choking and is reminded that he’s not alone in this, not anymore.

“We’re through the worst of it,” Ben murmurs against the shell of Klaus’ ear, running his fingers through Klaus’ messy curls. He can hear hesitant footsteps from behind him where his family is lingering, and he takes a slow, deep breath. “We’re not alone anymore.”

 

**Author's Note:**

> ty for reading, im open for prompts so drop a comment below or into my tumblr inbox!
> 
> hope u enjoyed another angsty story from me, I can't help myself. she's also unbeta'd, as always 
> 
> title is from lemon to a knife fight by the wombats
> 
> [+tumblr](http://lunal0u.tumblr.com).


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